IF YOU KNEW MUVVER
 
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Yer can talk about your West End, yer can gas about its sights
But yer ought to come dahn our court if yer'd see 'igh life at nights
Them suffragettes can tell the tale on platforms, don'tcher know
But they ain't in it with my muvver when she really starts to go
Yer can gas about yer so called boxing wonders if yer like
But you see Muvver 'andle Farver whe she's really got the spike.

Refrain: Huh! Yer've missed a bit if yer ain't seen my muvver
The coppers dahn our street they knows 'er too
And when she looks sort o' squiffy
They just clears off in a jiffy
And if yer knew Muvver, lummie, so would you!


There's lots of silly blokes'll say that man's the strongest sex
But that's most likely cos they've not met Muvver I expects
My Farver 'ad the same idea, and said so to a pal
But now 'e doesn't fink so, for 'e's in the 'orspital
And yet she's fond of 'im yer know, - gives 'im presents, quite a lot
Why, she sat up for 'im last night, and said she'd give 'im 'Gawd knows what'

Refrain: Huh! Yer've missed a bit if yer ain't seen my muvver
You ask Farver and 'e'll tell yer that it's true
If she says that black is white
Farver says, 'Perhaps you're right.'
And if yer knew Muvver, lummie, so would you!


My Muvver's got a job round at the public 'ouse, they say
At least I fink she must 'ave, cos she goes there every day
She don't go out with Farver much, some folks think it odd
But they forgits they're seldom both the same time out of quod
The papers make a fuss when women disappear, I've heard
Yet Muvver disappears for months and no one says a word.

Refrain: Huh! Yer've missed a bit if yer ain't seen my muvver
When she comes back after a year or two
And Farver 'ears 'er ring the bell
'E just disappears - well
And if yer knew Muvver, lummie, so would you!
 
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Written and composed by Valentine & Charles Cory - 1918
Performed by Dorothy Varick
 
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