I'M BURSTING TO TELL YOU THIS
 
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Can you keep a secret? well, I can't myself
I've got quite a job to keep me
I tell all my troubles to people I like
So I think I'll tell you two or three
There's sentiment in it, you'll pity me too
It was very unkind, you must own
I don't want you to go mourning for me
But now we're here all alone

I'm bursting to tell you this
I'm bursting to tell you this
This morning a fellow - oh ever so tall
(I know this doesn't concern you at all)
Well he said to me (and he stood quite six foot)
I thought it was very unkind
But still I feel happier now that I've told you
And got the whole thing off my mind.

Have you ever had anything on your mind
When you really can't make up your mind
To get it off your mind, or go out of your mind?
I'll be doing that, if I don't mind
There's a girl at the bottom of this, you can guess
And on my bottom landing she'll sit
And shout nasty things up the stairs about me
So I'll get to the bottom of it.

I'm bursting to tell you this
I'm bursting to tell you this
Of course, I just want your advice as a friend
It started through - (mind, I don't know how it will end)
She said - (and she'd fair got her knife into me)
She can't prove it because of the blind
But still I feel happier now that I've told you
And got the whole thing off my mind.

This morning I bought a newspaper, but still
I think there's more paper than news
I don't know what's won, and I don't know the price
So I don't think the paper's much use
But there's one item in it you really must hear
I hope that you've all had your tea
What I'm going to read you's far better than drink
So have this as a 'nightcap' with me.

I'm bursting to tell you this
I'm bursting to tell you this
It's all about -my word, but isn't it strange
So the paper-boy said when he gave me the change
They called in three doctors - well when I first read it
I said that he ought to be fined
But still I feel happier now that I've told you
And got the whole thing off my mind.
 
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Performed by Wilkie Bard (1874-1944)
 
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