FARMER SCROGGINS
(or, Up To See The Sights)
 
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I'm farmer Scroggins with private means,
I've made my money through spuds and greens.
Thinks I to myself, 'I'll see the scenes.'
So arrived the other day,
I've got myself up a regular gent,
I'm here in town on pleasure bent,
And I don't give a fig if I spend every cent,
I feel so giddy and gay.

Chorus: I'm farmer Scroggins and I once weighed tweny stone,
I came up from the country all upon my own.
By escursion train, I arrived at Euston Station,
I haven't been home to see the wife since the Coronation.

The sights were pleasing, the sights were new,
In fact, I didn't know what to do.
A policeman said, 'That's the way to the zoo!'
Said I, 'You saucy cad!'
I wanted to see the noble Lords
In military clothing with golden swords,
They shouted, 'Go to Madam Tussaud's!'
Said I, 'This is too bad.'

Chorus:

I wandered here and I wandered there,
I found myself in Leicester Square.
I saw some girls with golden hair,
At least the girls saw me.
They gathered round, they made a fuss,
Called me 'Bertie', then called me 'Gus'
Thinks I to myself, 'You giddy old cuss!,
'You're in for a jolly spree.'

Chorus:

 
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Written, composed and performed by Ernest Rees (d. 1916) - 1903
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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