I'M GLAD I WENT UP IN THE BAR
 
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I'm new to the stage but I'm doing so well
For I'm getting some jolly fine bookings
I went to a hall as a deputy turn
And the manager there, Mr Hookings
Said, 'You're not half bad, you're not, really you're not -
See me up in the bar when we're over.'
I thought, 'Well he means to engage me, I s'pose
I'll go up in the bar - I'm in clover.'

Chorus: 'I'm glad I went up in the bar
I'm glad I went up in the bar
For I got in with some of the boys, do you see?
And they all had a whiskey and soda with me
One said, 'I won't have a drink, I'll have a two shilling cigar.'
I came out with tuppence and had to walk home
I was glad I went up in the bar.


I'd not been two minutes upstairs in the bar
When I knocked a chap's drink off the table
I bought him another and paid for the glass
And was mashing the bar-maid there, Mabel
When suddenly she said, 'Good gracious alive
Something's burning, I'm sure, by the odour
'Twas my coat on fire, and so I said as she
Put it out with a syphon of soda,

Chorus: 'I'm glad I went up in the bar
I'm glad I went up in the bar.'
At the end of the counter I ventured to stand
When the counter flap fell on the back of my hand
While I was laughing at that, the girl serving some La-di-da
Let a soda cork fly - it caught me in the eye
I was glad I went up in the bar.


Two fellows were larking about in the bar
And one trod on my favorite bunion
Said he, 'Oh, I'm sorry.' I said, 'So am I.'
Then a gas bracket fell on my onion
I waited in case there was anything else
For I thought 'twas a pity to miss it
Said I, 'Where's my hat? and a chap said, 'I thought
I was sitting on something, is this it?'

Chorus: 'I'm glad I went up in the bar
I'm glad I went up in the bar
'There's a beetle in your beer,' the bar-maid then said
I said, 'Oh, is that all? then I'll drink yours instead.'
I grabbed her drink as I thought,
I drank it, then said, 'Bless the Shah,
What is that?' she said, 'Vitriol, I'm cleaning the taps.'
I was glad I went up in the bar.


I was telling the boys a short tale in the bar
When I heard such a deuce of a scurry
One said, 'What's that dog shaking there?'
When I looked I said, 'Only my fur coat, don't worry.'
Then the manager came, I said, 'What will you have?'
He said, 'Well, for a drink I am dying
I think I'll just try a nice drop of champagne.'
He was very good too at the 'trying'.

Chorus: 'I was glad I went up in the bar
I was glad I went up in the bar
He said, 'Boys, this young gentleman sang here tonight
Sang those two funny songs.' But the boys all went white
One said, 'Was that you did that?
Hold my coat, Bill - that's who you are.'
I don't quite remember who found my left ear
I was glad I went up in the bar.
 
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Written and composed by Frank Leo - 1907
Performed by Wilkie Bard (1874-1944)
 
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