I'M OFF TO KLONDYKE
 
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I've been away some time now, in fact, been doing time;
In a bank they found me and considered it a crime;
And now I've got my freedom, I feel extremely strange,
For going in a pub, I used to know, I found a change.
'Half of four ale, Miss,' said I but the girl's eyes opened wide,
'This is the grand saloon, Sir! and there's no four ale this side.'
A few high stools and oil-cloth, some ferns in pickle jars!
I've had enough of London and the fancy 'private bars'.

Chorus: So I'm off to Klondyke early in the morning,
I'm off to Klondyke on the mining lay!
I can't stand the saloon bars. nor a lot of la-di-das,
Klondyke's for me, If I have to walk it all the way!

The point I tried to argue but the barmaid called out, 'Jim!'
In came the potman but I knocked the stuffing out of him;
Tho' they looked for a policeman and found one in a tick,
I've seen the time you couldn't find a 'copper' half as quick,
'Clear out of this,' said he, 'for we want no vulgar row.'
And the lovely kick he gave me, lor! I seem to feel it now.
Once upon a time, they didn't wear such daisy roots!
I've had enough of London and the copper's little toots.

Chorus: So I'm off to Klondyke early in the morning,
I'm off to Klondyke on the mining lay!
I can't stand the blue suit, nor the coppers' heavy boot,
Klondyke for me, If I have to walk it all the way!

I thought I'd have some supper, went down a certain street,
Where their fried fish and 'taters used to be a perfect treat;
The waiter came in evening dress! and almost on his knees,
'Fried fish and potatoes, Sir!' 'Yes'' 'Thank you, sixpence, please.'
But when he brought the spuds in they were like hard bits of soap,
And to find the little bits of fish, you want a microscope;
For tuppence in the old days, you'd as much as you could wish,
I've had enough of London and the tanner plates of fish!

Chorus: So I'm off to Klondyke early in the morning,
I'm off to Klondyke on the mining lay!
I can't stand supper where they take you for a millionaire,
Klondyke's for me, If I have to walk it all the way!

 
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Written and composed by Walter Hastings - 1898
Performed by Harry Freeman (1858-1922)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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