I'M PROUD OF MY OLD BALD HEAD
 
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Some fellers when they lose their hair they fret
I've not started to worry yet
I used to have a lovely mop
Now I've got none on the top
You'd think with a cranium so bald catch a dreadful cough
I sometimes have a job to find out where my face leaves off
My parting's wide and so am I
Smack my old bald head and cry

Chorus: Hair, hair, hair, I've got none on my noddle
I don't care as down the street I toddle
All the people say, 'He's a good old thoroughbred.'
I never get the knock -I'm a jolly old cock
I'm proud of me old bald head


The flies are very fond of it I think
It makes them a lovely skating rink
I polish it up with mutton fat
That's why I never wear a hat
Kids in the neighbourhood all shout out
'Ain't you lookin' bare
It makes you look half naked.'
But they can't shout out 'There's hair.'
The girls they never let me pass
Makes them a lovely looking glass.

Chorus:

While dining at the restaurant one night
I stooped and I had such a terrible fright
A girl stuck in my head a fork
Thought she'd dropped a slice of pork
As a youngster lots of water
On my brain they found
The hair fell in and couldn't swim
And that's how it got drowned
A chicken once sat on my thatch
My old bald head it tried to hatch.

Chorus:
 
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Written and composed by Murray - Collins
Recorded 1911 by Harry Champion (1866-1942)
 
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