I'M SAMMY SHARP
 
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I went to the races one day and travelled first class, when oh dear
Two fellows got in, one had a thick lip, the other a lovely thick ear
One pulled out a packet of cards and shuffled them up as he cried
'I'll bet you a pound, sir, you can't find the Queen'
I took on the bet 'cos I'm wide.

Chorus: I'm Sammy Sharp, sharp as a packet of pins
They did me for five pounds somehow
And I threatened to kick up a row
But I let them see they can't get over Sam
So I made them give me their names and addresses
That shows you how sharp I am.


I met a young woman one day, she held a fat baby d'ye see
She murmured, 'Oh sir, you've got a kind face
Will you do a kind favour for me?
Hold baby while I get some milk.' I took that poor kiddie at once
She went for the milk, but she never came back
And I've had that baby three months.

Chorus: I'm Sammy Sharp, sharp as a packet of pins
She gave me the baby, then guyed
But when she comes back I'll be wide
And I'll let her see she can't get over Sam
I'll charge her for boarding and lodging the baby
That shows you how sharp I am.


Some scoundrel committed a crime, a p'liceman came up and took me
They gave me a month, I said not a word, thought I, here's a chance to live free
A warder came into my cell and shouted, 'There's no time to mope
I'm going to give you some oakum today, then threw down a piece of tarred rope.

Chorus: I'm Sammy Sharp, sharp as a packet of pins
That piece of rope needled me so, still I wouldn't hang myself, no
But I let them see they can't get over Sam
I just took the rope, and I picked it to pieces
That shows you how sharp I am.

A certain insurance young man's been telling the tale to my wife
'Your husband' he said, 'Don't look very strong, pay twopence a week on his life.'
He's mashing my missus I know, and last night between me and you
They sat on the sofa, I saw them myself, canoodling, so what did I do?

Chorus: I'm Sammy Sharp, sharp as a packet of pins
As there on the sofa they sat, he looked at my missus like that
But I let them see they can't get over Sam
I just took that sofa and sold it this morning
That shows you how sharp I am.
 
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Written and composed by A.J. Mills & Bennett Scott - 1911
 
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