I'M SO SPITEFUL
 
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Now I'm a chap that's very quiet and unassuming
Find a better tempered man you never could
But when I'm roused I'm like a roaring lion
I can't help it, I suppose it's in the blood
For instance, at the football match last Tuesday
A man would keep on standing on me toes
And just because I asked him to be careful
He turned round then and punched me on the nose
Well, that did it, and I lost me bloody temper
I really felt like doing someone harm
Well, the crowd thought there was going to be murder
And some ladies, they beseached me to be calm
But I couldn't I was absolutely boiling
For the man stood there at at me simply smiled
I rushed at him and disarranged his neck-tie
I couldn't help it I'm so spiteful when I'm wild.

Then last week I had to reprimand my cousin
I'll explain exactly how the row occurred
I'd kept him and he'd worn me Sunday clothes out
And things like that, I'd never said a word
Until he got too friendly with the missis
And each evening he would take her for a walk
And last night he said to me, 'You go to bed, Bill
Your wife and I would like a quiet talk.'
Well, that did it, and I lost me bloody temper
I felt so mad with rage I couldn't check
Well, my wife she clung to him to protect him
To make sure that I wasn't going to ring his neck
I was thinking of indulging in a sudden whim,
But throwing sticks and stones I thought too mild.
I gave one spring, and put me tongue out at him,
I couldn't help it I'm so spiteful when I'm wild.

 
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Written, composed and performed by Billy Merson (1881-1947)
 
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