I'm a highly respectable man, with a highly respectable name
And when once you have these, you may do as you please
And be bad as you like without blame
I've a very large mansion and grounds, but rent I do not mean to pay
So you bet very soon, we'll be shooting the moon
But in a highly respectable way.

Chorus: Oh, since my little games I began
Let the people deny if they can
It's a pleasure to be umkediddled by me
For I'm such a respectable man

I've a highly respectable shop, where the sugar is nearly all salt
Our tea to be sure, has been drunk before
But they tell me the flavour is grand
I'm a building society sharp, with a savings-bank meant for the poor
For a million I fail, Yes, avoiding the jail
On a foreign respectable shore.


I've eloped with nice girls by the score, bigamy is a matter of course
The Judge says, 'Ah Freddy, again here already?'
Whenever I get a divorce
Rich widows I often persuade, to leave all their savings to me
And their wills having made, oh, they generally fade
And rat-poison is found in their tea.


At the ballet I look very shocked, whenever I go to the play
At the jokes I cry 'Hush', and invariably blush
In a highly respectable way
But wait till the people have gone, you will find me behind the scenes
My flowers and bangles cause serious wrangles
'Mong the little theatrical queens.

Chorus: Let the darlings deny if they can
Since these little games I began
It's a pleasure to be canoodled by me
I am such a respectable man.
Written and composed by Boyd Jones & J. H. Yorke - 1896
Performed by Louis Kelleher
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