I'M THE WIDOW OF COLONEL DE TRACY
 
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I'm the widow of Colonel De Tracy
I come of an old Norman line
I may have a past but it's human to err
Alas what a past is mine
My poor dear Papa was a scholar
I know one or two things myself
The lady I board with used phrases today
Which, well, I said, 'Madam excuse me I pray
I'm the Widow of Colonel De Tracy
Such language I can't tolerate'
I begged Mrs Flipper, 'You'll grill me the kipper
I'm dining this evening at eight'
She spoke to me low with abuse
And called me a silly old 'jay'
I answered 'Hoc loco hic jasset', to you
As Colonel De Tracy would say.

In Regent Street one Summer evening
A fellow of lowly degree
Approached me while I was out shopping, and yes
And addressed his remarks to me
I froze him with haughty 'ensuciance'
As only a lady can do
I repelled him with scorn and with great 'savoir faire'
And remarked with a killing and soul searching stare
'I'm the widow of Colonel De Tracy
I don't know, Sir, who you may be.
But you sadly transgress when you dare to address
Your vulgar 'bon hommie' to me
He tickled me under the chin
And laughed in a low common way
I said, 'You're sal sections are 'mal apropos'
As colonel De Tracy would say.

One evening a horrid policeman
A low fellow, Cocoa by name
Had the cheek to arrest me and say I was canned
A lady of my fair fame
I walked to the station quite calmly
As became one of old Norman line
To the magistrate early next morning I said
'No doubt you have heard or perhaps you have read
Of the Widow of Colonel De Tracy
Who dares to assert I am drunk?
That constable Poco is loco is fons asinorum quid nunc'
The magistrate said, 'Fifteen bob
Is the fine I must ask you to pay.'
I simply said, 'Hon y soit qui mal y pense'
As Colonel De Tracy would say.
 
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Performed by George Robey (1869-1954)
 
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