I'M TICKLED TO DEATH I'M SINGLE
 
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Mammas galore are after me, they think that I'm a catch,
But I was born a bachelor and still I mean to 'bach'.
I look around at dear old pals who've got that 'married' look,
To show my independence I go home and sack the cook.

Refrain: I'm tickled to death I'm single
I'm tickled to death I'm free
What the wild wives are saying,
Doesn't apply to me.
I'm frightfully bucked I'm single,
I'm frightfully glad I'm free;
I've seen the men who mated
I've seen the hook being baited
I've been inoculated,
They can't catch me.

Now marriage is a gild cage, where love-bird's lives are wrecked,
If hubby tries to fly away he gets severely pecked.
Behind his prison bars he sees the wild birds fly about
How wild he'd be, and so would she, if only he got out.

Refrain: I'm tickled to death I'm single
I'm tickled to death I'm free.
I've got my independence,
I've got my front-door- key.
I'm tickled to death I've not got a W.I.F.E
Marriage may bring ideal times,
Honeymoons may be real times,
But I like a change at mealtimes
They can't catch me.

Refrain: I'm tickled to death I'm single,
I'm tickled to death I'm free.
I steer quite clear of cages,
No prison stunts for me.
I'm frightfully glad I'm able,
To flutter from tree to tree.
I've seen the she -birds crying,
I've seen the he-birds lying,
But I've seen the feathers flying,
They can't catch me.

Refrain: I'm tickled to death I'm single,
I'm tickled to death I'm free.
Eggs do not interest me,
I like 'em cooked for tea.
I cannot believe the proverb,
That birds in their nests agree.
I've seen the hen-pecked paters,
Looking like ragtime waiters
Pushing perambulators,
They can't catch me

 
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Performed by Melville Gideon (1884-1933)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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