IN
 
In
 

I have a girl, a good old girl and she's a, well, I'll risk it;
She has a jaw, a cast-iron jaw, that fairly wins the biscuit.
I hired a pleasure boat one day and took her on the water,
Till, suddenly, I heard a splash and when I turned and sought her,

Chorus: She was in, fairly in!
Concerning that there couldn't be a doubt.
And when she swore she'd nag no more,
I clutched her by the nose and pulled her out.

I have a pal, a 'proper' pal, who'd oft get tight and frisky,
So like a man, a sober man, he swore he'd 'chuck' the whiskey.
We took a stroll the other day, I lost him for a minute,
And couldn't find him till I looked inside the, 'Bird and Linnet'.

Chorus: And he was in, fairly in!
Concerning that there couldn't be a doubt.
And there he mopped until he dropped,
When a bobby was fetched to throw him out.

I had a dog, a faithful dog, the best of all my cronies,
I took him once and only once, to see them make polonies.
He roamed about the place, of course, admiring all the scenery,
I couldn't find him until I tried exploring the machinery.

Chorus: And he was in, fairly in!
Concerning that there couldn't be a doubt.
My faithful pup was chopped right up;
So I bought these saveloys and got him out.

I had a coin, a foreign coin and nobody would take it,
But anyhow, I made a vow that somewhere I would 'fake' it.
An Automatic Cake Machine made me with wrath to break out;
I dropped that coin fair down the slot but couldn't coax a cake out.

Chorus: Yes, it was in, fairly in!
Concerning that there couldn't be a doubt.
So just for fun, I got a gun,
And 'busted' the machine and blew it out.

I had a moke, a good old moke and few could one so fine boast,
He had a tail, oh, such a tale! It stuck out like a sign-post.
One day that rudder diappeared when I got up to ride him;
But, looking down his throat I found, the tail had worked inside him,

Chorus: And, it was in, they'd pushed it in!
Concerning that there couldn't be a doubt.
A smile I smole, I got a pole,
And jammed it down his throat and pushed it out.

 
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Written and composed by Charles Osborne - 1891
Performed by Fred Harvey (1856-1895)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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