IN MY FIRST TIME ON EARTH
 
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This is my second time on Earth, I've lived on Earth before
And straight I was a hot-un in the good old days of yore
I mixed with all the best of them, Tom King and Turnpike Dick
And as a highway robber I myself was very 'fick.'

Chorus: In my first time on Earth, on good old Houndslow Heath
One night I stopped the mail coach, armed up to my teeth
I shouted to the driver, 'Whoa back or I shall fire'
Then jumped inside and found myself locked in the 'Black Maria.'


Old Sweeney Todd the barber, used to make me laugh, no kid
He never shaved the same bloke twice, but what a trade he did
And 'tween ourselves, the more chaps that he let down thro' the floor
The more pies he would have to sell in his pie shop next door.

Chorus: In my first time on Earth, from one of Sweeney's pies
I picked out thirty-two false teeth and forty-two glass eyes
I took it back to Sweeney. Said he, 'Just wait here Joe
And have a nice black pudden, I've a Negro down below.


Dick Turpin, young Jack Shepherd, Spring-heel Jack and me
Was waiting to way-lay the new Lord Mayor behind a tree
We all of us meant business, so of course he'd got to die
And then he disappointed us, the hours went slowly by.

Chorus: In my first time on Earth, with pistol, gun and knife
We waited there to murder him, we meant to have his life
He was so long a-coming, Dick Turpin with alarm
Turned round and said, ' I do hope he ain't come to any harm.'


One night I stopped the coach and with my head stuck thro' the door
I said, 'Stand and deliver' and they all replied, 'What for?'
Said I, 'Now you be sensible, you do as you're required
Fork out your dibs' They laughed, so I closed my eyes and fired.

Chorus: In my first time on Earth, as things were rather rough
I couldn't buy gun-powder, so I'd loaded it with snuff
And as they all were sneezing, a sailor seized my nag
And said, 'Lor lummy, guvenor, shoot us wiv a chew of shag.'


The Bow Street runners once were after me and Robin Hood
For days, and weeks, and months we lay concealed in Highgate Wood
Now Robin was a forester, I was a buffalo
But we were both odd fellows when we wanted grub - what oh.

Chorus: In my first time on Earth, with my pal Robin Hood
We'd both lay in the forest like the babes in the Wood
The birds would come to cover us with leaves, and then, oh my
Bang, Bang'd go my blunderbuss and we'd have sparrow pie.
 
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Performed by Tom Woottwell (1865-1941)
 
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