IN THE MORNING
 
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My wife's sister is very ill, you know
So my beloved went away about a week ago
Left me alone, all upon my own
I'm having such a time of it I've gained about a stone
The day she went away, she told me what to do
But I'm very fond of what I eat
With the old gas stove, I'm as happy as can be
There's no mistake, I'm getting on a treat.

For in the morning I make a cup of tea
Cook myself a kipper, it's as easy as can be
Then at lunchtime, out I go and buy a breast of mutton
People think that I'm a glutton
Then at teatime, I have a little nap with my rummy
rummy packed out tight
And the only time that I miss the little wife is
When I tumble into bed at night.

Oh, what a life we lead
One day I cooked a sausage in a pan
Every time I looked at it, I thought of Mary Ann
And how I 'tut' when the darn thing bust
It jumped out of the pan, and hit me wallop on the 'crust'
So out I went and bought a piece of pickled pork
And it suits me to a T all right
Cooked it all at once, It'll last me now for months
And I can cut myself a rasher every night.

And in the morning I make a cup of tea
Cook myself a kipper, it's as easy as can be
Then at lunchtime, don't I munch
Absolutely ripping, I'm so fond of bread and dripping
Then at teatime, I buy a pound of sprats
And cook them by the candlelight
And the only time that I miss the little wife is
When I tumble into bed at night.

After breakfast I wash up the mug
And from the bedroom window you could see me shake the rug
One fell in the street, about a dozen feet
It knocked the butcher over and he fell upon his meat
But when I go to bed I'm as lonely as can be
For as in between the sheets I crawl
There's a space all bare, and there's no-one laying there
So I'm sleeping with my face towards the wall.

And in the morning I make a cup of tea
Cook myself a kipper, it's as easy as can be
Then at lunchtime, out I go and if I back a winner
I have something for my dinner
Then at tea time, if I want to make a change, at a
Penny saveloy I bite
And the only time that I miss the little wife is
When I tumble into bed at night.
 
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Performed by Fannie Leslie (1858-1935)
 
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