THE INSURANCE AGENT
 
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In modern times the careful man won't leave a thing to fate
He never takes the slightest risk, I'm happy to relate
Altho' perhaps it's just as well, Dame Fortune recollect
Provides us in a funny way with things we least expect
Now I'm the man to ease your mind, and ease your pockets too
I promise for a modest sum, to banish care from you
You'll never have a 'rainy' day, you'll never have to 'rough it'
You'll never have a sou to spend, you've only got to snuff it.

Chorus: There's a penny a week on Charlotte, Kate has a tanner on hers
Fourpence pays for Mary Jane, to draw in fifty years
Mother's gone in for 'accidents', she's great on missing stairs
But if anything happens to Father, we'll all be millionaires.


I cover every mortal thing from burglary to twins
Don't worry if the show's on fire, you needn't care two pins
And should a playful motor-car relieve you of a limb
Don't swear as you survey the wreck, but sing, 'Oh lucky Jim.'
Say the wife has 'tennis elbow', or insists on making pies
Don't rave about and tear your hair, it's a blessing in disguise
You simply fill the form up and proceed to 'toast your toes'
For once you've paid the premiums you don't care if it snows.

Chorus: There's a penny a week on Charlotte, Kate has a tanner on hers
Fourpence pays for Mary Jane, to draw in fifty years
Mother's gone in for 'accidents', she's great on missing stairs
But if anything happens to Father, we'll all be millionaires.
 
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Written and composed by Ewart Beech - 1909
Performed by Will E. Edwards (d. 1940)
 
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