Some memories is treacherous, at least, so I've been told;
But I've a pal whose memory is worth its weight in gold.
'E just remembers wot 'e wants, an' wot 'e don't 'e don't,
An' if he makes 'is mind up not ter know a thing 'e won't.
Say 'e's 'ard up for a job
An' yer let 'im 'ave a bob,
Don't break the bloomin' bank,
Should yer try the other tack
An' just 'arst 'im for it back,
'Is mind's a puffick blank!

I've seen 'im in a Court of Law examined by Q.C.s,
They thought to turn 'im inside out, instanter, and with ease
But bless yer 'eart they none of 'em stood any chance wiv 'im,
The moment as they started - lor! 'is memory grew dim!
As a witness 'e's a treat,
Ow 'e dodges 'em is neat,
Of course they know it's 'ank,
But wot are they ter say
When 'e looks up in dismay
An' 'is mind's a puffick blank!

To-day you'll come acrost 'im an' 'e'll be as nice as pie!
To-morrer when you meet 'im ten ter one 'e'll pass yer by!
It ain't 'is fault - 'e means no 'arm - 'e does the best 'e can.
Some pities 'im, I don't; 'e's wot I calls a lucky man.
If 'e wants ter recollect
'E can do so I expect,
Tho' some sez 'e's a crank,
If it doesn't suit 'is game,
For ter know yer face or name,
'Is mind's a puffick blank!

Now 'im an' little Susy Brown kep' com'ny for a year.
'E called 'er 'ducky darlin,' an' she used ter call 'im 'dear. '
But when 'e 'eard Jemima Smith 'ad come into some brass.
It struck 'im as Jemima was decidedly more 'class. '
But when Susan learned as 'ow
'E was breakin' of 'is vow.
She wrote, 'My darlin' Frank,
You forgit yer little Sue. '
'E replied, - 'My love, I do,
My mind's a puffick blank!'
Written and composed by Albert Chevalier & Alfred H. West - 1896
Performed by Albert Chevalier (1861-1923)
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