IT'S BEEN A NICE DAY
 
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I am old enough to understand the weather,
And I know that if rains it will be wet;
A fellow perhaps will say, 'It has been a nasty day!'
Well, I know just what it's been, I don't forget!
The other day I went into a barber's,
Said I, 'Give me a shave and cut my hair.'
I trembled at the knees, for he cracked the same old wheeze
As soon as he had fixed me in the chair.

Chorus: 'It's been a nice day, sir, hasn't it?'
I said, 'I don't know, I haven't looked.'
And then he jawed away on the topics of the day,
And told me stories of the fish he'd hooked.
Then he made a slip, cut a piece out of my lip!
He said, 'It isn't much I've cut away;
Shall I give it to the pup? Or suppose I wrap it up?
There you are sir! thanks! it's been a nice day!'

I have been out shopping with my little missis;
She's a woman that knows how to tell the tale.
She came to me to-day, and she said, "Oh, by the way,
Messrs. Do'emdown & Co. have got a sale."
I had to go round with her to the warehouse;
She ordered things-while I looked on and sighed;
The shopman seemed to be very sorry, like, for me,
And in sympathetic tones the fellow cried;

Chorus: "It's been a nice day, sir, hasn't it?"
I said, "Well, it may have heen for you!"
He showed the wife a hat, my heart went pit-a-pat;
That meant another quid or so, I knew.
Blouses and cravats, seven dresses and new hats;
And then she sent me to the desk to pay.
The cashier said to me, "Let me see, sir, that will be,
Forty-seven pounds! It's been a nice day!"

Billy Buggins and myself, went down to Kempton,
Where we made a book, and made a great mistake.
We lost' on ev'ry race. I said, "Bill, this is a case!
On the last event we'll see what we can make."
Then, "Evens on. the favourite!" we shouted;
"A hundred pounds to seven, Barking Creek."
I spotted in the ring there His Majesty the King,
I thought, " He'll say I'm proud if I don't speak."

Chorus: "It's been a nice day, sir, hasn't it?
Hope Your Majesty is doing well."
A pile of cash we took, and then we closed the book,
And dreamed of fortune when they rang the bell."
"Pay on Barking Creek!" 'Pon my word, I couldn't speak.
We paid as many there as we could pay;
The remainder made a fuss, and they started paying us,
And I said to Bill, "It's been a nice day!"

I remember once I used to court a lady,
Her papa said, "Don't you bring him here, you know!
I'll kick him if you do." Now, between myself and you,
I was never fond of kicks, so didn't go.
But one night, she thought pa was not returning,
And I was in the drawing-room with her.
He came in with a roar, broke a panel of the door,
And cried, " Hallo!" I said, "Good evening, sir.'

Chorus: "It's been a nice day, sir, hasn't it?"
He said, "You won't think so when I've done!"
His boot was nice and thick; I got that promised kick
Said he, "My boy, I've only just begun."
Then he threw me smack through the window at the back;
The bulldog came towards me as I lay.
I forgot my broken ribs, thought, 'I'll make pals with his 'nibs'.'
So I said, 'Hello, it's been a nice day!'

 
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Written and composed by Frank Leo - 1903
Performed by Wilkie Bard (1874-1944)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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