IT'S THE SEASONING WOT DOES IT
 
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I noticed once while walking down the street,
A smell so odoriferous and sweet
So pungent that it really made me stop,
It came steaming out a little butcher's shop.
I found it was a British saveloy,
So rushed and bought a couple in my joy,
I tasted one, and turned it round and round,
Then had it analysed; 'twas then I found...

Refrain: It's the seasoning wot does it - yes, and makes it seem all gay
But oh! what a difference if you take it all away.
The little bit of meat that's left, it doesn't do to con;
If it wasn't for the seasoning, you'd never take it on.

To hear a clever orator's a treat,
His eloquence will glue you to your seat.
Against your will he seems to make you yield,
His meaning is so artfully concealed.
You come out and hear two 'cabbies' have a go,
And their language, well, it makes you murmur 'Oh.'
It's far more convincing, and it's free;
They too are speaking English, but you see ....

Refrain: It's the seasoning wot does it - yes, and makes it seem all gay
But oh! what a difference if you take it all away.
The little bit of English left, it doesn't do to con,
If it wasn't for the seasoning, they'd never take it on.

I once went to a theatre of renown,
To see the smartest actress in the town.
A 'Boys' part in a new burlesque she played.
She bounded on in natty dress arrayed;
I said, 'That's the kind of gal I could adore,'
So waited for her close to the stage door.
When she came out it nearly turned my head,
Well, a policeman saw me, and he laughed and said.....

Refrain: It's the seasoning wot does it - yes, and makes 'em seem all gay
But oh! what a difference when the make-up is away.
The little bit of figure left, it doesn't do to con;
If it wasn't for the seasoning, you'd never take it on.

 
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Performed by Herbert Campbell (1844-1904)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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