IT'S WONDERFUL HOW WE DO IT, BUT WE DO.
 

Now the way I caught this lady, I neglected her some time,
And this, I must inform you touched her pride;
When she found I didn't care, in her company to be,
Of course she always wished me by her side;
One day I popped the question, I asked her if she'd wed,
Said she, My dear, I'll have no one but you.
Now she's happy, 'cause to please her, I do everything I can,
And it's wonderful how we do it, but we do.

One night when coming home from the Canterbury Hall,
A fellow I had ne'er seen in my life;
Drunk he was, I grant you, but no excuse there was,
For him trying to embrace my little wife;
She of course began to scream, I turned to him and said,
I'll not waste words on such a thing as you;
So I knocked him in the gutter, tho' I never fought before,
It's wonderful how we do it, but we do.

We've been married now eight years, and jolly we all are,
For twelve handsome children we have got:
You'll perhaps be astonished and wonder to yourselves,
How in eight years we have gathered such a lot;
Well, we've got four sets of twins, the other four make twelve,
So you see that what I told you is quite true;
I really never thought I'd ever have so many kids,
It's wonderful how we do it, but we do.

I think I'd better stop tho', in case I tire you out,
For I shouldn't like your kindness to abuse;
But I promise that the next time I'm called on for a song,
I'll use my best endeavours to amuse;
For the patience and forbearance which this evening you have shown,
My sincere thanks I tender unto you;
For every one among us do our best to please,
And it's wonderful how we do it, but we do.

 
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Written and composed by Arthur Lloyd - 1864
Performed by Arthur Lloyd (1840 - 1904)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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