I'VE GOT A LITTLE JOB TO GO TO!
 
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At twelve today, while in my bed,
Dad came up to me and said,
'In a paper round some brawn
I found a job for you this morn.'
I went down the stairs
Upon the toe of my old man,
Squashed a kid with my feet, I did,
And shouted, dressing as I ran,

Chorus: 'Don't stop me! don't stop me!
I've got a little job to go to!
'Twas advertised in ninety eight,
If I ain't quick I'll be too late.
At light employment I'm all right,
And as it's making dynamite,
I could quickly make it light,
There goes the Hooter!
I've got a little job to go to'

When I heard the church bells go,
'Five to eight!' I said, 'Hello!
I must have a watch at once
If it gets me eighteen months.'
Then I saw a swell;
I grabbed his watch and off I ran.
In my tails he stuck his nails,
And I said, 'Have a care, old man!

Chorus: 'Don't stop me! don't stop me!
I've got a little job to go to!
I must have your watch, old mate,
Just in case I might be late.'
Down the road I quickly flew,
Shouting to a copper, who,
On his policeman's whistle blew,
'There goes the Hooter!
I've got a little job to go to'

Just outside the 'Old Green Man',
Someone shouted as I ran,
'Stop a half a minute, do!
We've some dreadful news for you.
Your poor ma-in-law
Has tumbled down a cellar flap,
Now she's dead!' and then I said,
'I haven't time to laugh, old chap!'

Chorus: 'Don't stop me! don't stop me!
I've got a little job to go to!
Ma-in-law has broke her neck,
But I can't stop half a sec.
Go and pick her up? oh, no!
Business first is my motto,
Pleasure afterward, what ho!,
There goes the Hooter!
I've got a little job to go to'

As I hurried down a lane,
Someone in an aeroplane
Dropped their anchor and, by chance,
It got stuck right in my pants.
Soon they hauled me up,
And looking down again, I roared,
"Swelp me bob! why, there's the job!
Excuse me jumping overboard.

Chorus: 'Don't stop me! don't stop me!
I've got a little job to go to!
Mister Wright, don't think me daft,
I'll jump on the factory shaft,
Though the smoke'll make me squirm,
Make me wriggle like a worm,
It's the highest job in all the firm (Whistle)
There goes the hooter! I've got a little job to go to!'

 
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Written and composed by R.P. Weston & Fred J. Barnes - 1909
Performed by Fred Lincoln
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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