JIMMY BROWN ESSAYS
 
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Of all the clever boys I know, there's none like Jimmy Brown
He's just lent me this book, to read the things he's written down
The first thing is about a horse, and what it's useful for
And when I've read it to you, 'twill enlighten you I'm sure.

Refrain: 'The horse is called a gee-gee, lives on oats and other fruits
And when he kicks he hurts, 'cos he's got big tips on his boots
Sometimes he runs in races, and he goes along so fast
And when you put your only shilling on, he comes in last
He's got four legs, which means he makes a big noise in the town
They grow at every corner so as boys can't push him down
And when he's dead they sell him for corned beef and other food.'
That's what Jimmy says about the horse, I think it's jolly good.


What my friend Jimmy doesn't know is not worth knowing, see
And where he gets his knowldge from is what quite puzzles me
This essay on the baby - yes, and what it's useful for
The spelling's awful bad, but every word is true, I'm sure

Refrain: 'The baby is an animal with no hair on its head
It grows out in the Summer-house, or in a turnip bed
They haven't got no teeth to bite, and always seem in pain
They cry, and cry, and then leave off, and then they start again
For calling dad to go to work, the baby's reckoned prime
He'll keep dad fast awake all night to wake him up in time
A baby will eat anything, even cinders, coal and wood
That's what Jimmy says of babies - I think it's jolly good.


You won't mind if I read this other little short essay
It's all about a cow, and Jimmy spells cow with a 'K'
He knows what he is saying, though, when cows he talks about
Jim's father is a milkman, that accounts for it, no doubt

Refrain: 'The Cow's a useful animal, he makes old ladies shake
It's body's nearly all composed of half-a-pounds of steak
You'd take it for a camel if it only had a hump
And the dearest part about it is the part that rhymes with jump
It's useful when it's fat to make pork sausages, you see
And useful for its cow-juice, 'cos we puts it in our tea
It often digs its crumpled horn in.' Oh my ain't it rude
That's all that Jimmy says about the cow - I think it's jolly good.


Now, this essay's about the Girl, and what she's useful for
I don't believe I ever read such clever lines before
He's made a study of her, it's so lifelike and so true
And if you don't mind waiting, I will read it out to you.

Refrain: 'The Girls is two-legged animals, and false as breakfast eggs
They never have to shave, or wear trousers on their legs
They've got long nails to scratch with, and the men all call 'em flirts
They're useful when we're babies, 'cos they makes our little shirts
This animal loves kissing men, and when one's at her door
She'll kiss, and kiss, and kiss, and kiss, till she can't kiss any more
She says she'll never marry, but she wishes that she could
That's all Jimmy says about the Girl - I think that's extra good.
 
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Written and composed by Harry Castling - 1903
Performed by George Bastow (1871-1914)
 
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