JOHNNY GO INTO THE GARDEN
 
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There's a young and charming widow,
Who is living close to Kew,
I loved her most sincerely,
And I thought she loved me too;
But I lost that lovely widow,
Deeply I regret to say,
By the conduct of her children,
Who were always in the way.

Spoken - She had two, Johnny and Louisa, I called in a Hansom cab the other day to take the widow for a drive, The kids ran out and wanted to go with us, No, my darling's, I said,

Chorus: Johnny go into the garden,
And play with sister Loo,
Johnny go into the garden,
Now there's a darling do!
Johnny go into the garden,
There's a penny for sissy and you,
I'm going for a drive with your ma, my dear,
And there's only room for two.

Now Louisa she is seven,.
But I think that Johnny's more,
At any rate they danced about,
And both began to roar;
Then into the cab Louisa jumped,
And clung to her mamma,
While Johnny kicked my leg, and said,
I was not his papa.

Spoken - No,my darling, I said, I am not, but I inwardly resolved that if ever I was he should 'cop it', I pulled Loo out of the cab, put them both inside the gate and said,

Chorus: Johnny go into the garden,
And play with sister Loo,
Johnny go into the garden,
Now there's a darling do!
Johnny go into the garden,
There's a penny for sissy and you,
I'm going for a drive with your ma, my dear,
And there's only room for two.

But I found that I was nowhere,
That my efforts were in vain,
They opened quick the garden gate,
And soon were out again;
Then young Johnny picked a flintstone,
From an ornamental bed,
And dexterously I confess,
'Twas landed on my head.

Spoken - I couldn't stand that, I caught him by the hair and gave him such a box on the ear but seeing the widow looking at me I said, run away darling

Chorus:

'Twas that fatal blow that did it,.
If my temper I'd restrained,
Without a doubt the widow's heart,
For life I should have gained;
But she'd seen me strike her Johnny,
And to him and Loo she ran,
She said I was a bad, a bold,
And wicked hearted man.

Spoken - It was all over then, She commenced to weep and said, if I would strike her Johnny now, what would I do after marriage, Go! Mr. Briggs she said, I discard you you bad man, to savagely assault a child because he in his innocence threw a little pebble at you, My dear, I said, it was a large flint stone not a little pebble, well she replied, probably it was, that's no excuse, Go sir, Come darlings we will leave the monster.

Chorus: Johnny go into the
And play with sister Loo,
Johnny go into the garden,
Now there's a darling do;
Johnny go into the garden,
There's a penny for sissy and you,
You can go for a drive by yourself,
And never again come here to woo.

 
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Written and composed by Arthur Lloyd - 1884
Performed by Arthur Lloyd (1840 - 1904)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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