You can have too much of good things, some say,
But I maintain it's the opposite way,
And this is the refrain I'm going to sing,
You can't have too much of a jolly good thing.
Good things are scarce, no doubt you're aware,
And do not always fall to our share,
Then when they do, a man is a muff,
Who thinks he can have more than enough,
Dame Fortune's mostly fickle we find,
So I'll welcome her when she means to be kind,
Now in every verse some proof I'll bring,
That you can't have too much of a jolly good thing

Well, what is there better on earth than health,
Without it a man is a miserable elf;
For how is it possible life to enjoy,
With the gout or the tic-doloreux to annoy.
Whatever they say and whatever they tell,
You can't be too healthy, and can't be too well;
The world is a waste, and pleasures are vain,
To a man that suffers sickness and pain;
And altho' we don't prize it as we ought,
Why health is a jewel that cannot be bought;
From that all earthly joys must spring,
So you can't have too much of a jolly good thing.

Then after health what's better than wealth,
To enable you to enjoy yourself;
For money it makes the mare to go,
Drives away trouble and care and woe,
With gold and notes all crisp and curled,
A fellow can fight his way thro' the world;
And tho' money's the root of all evil we know,
We should all like to know where the root does grow
I never have met with a man I am sure,
Who said he'd enough and he wanted no more,
For even if you are as rich as a king,
You can't have too much' of a jolly good thing-

There's a friend of mine who is not very tall,
In fact, he's considered to be very small;
He's fallen in love with a lady, of late,
Who is just about twenty-two stone in weight.
No doubt it is merely a matter of taste.
But he can't get his arms around her waist;
When he tries to embrace her he finds it's in vain,
So he makes a chalk mark and begins again;
Most of his friends unto him have said,
She's rather too large for you to wed,
But he swears that he means to purchase the ring
For he can't have too much of a jolly good thing.
Written, composed and performed by Fred Albert (1844-1886)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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