THE KILLJOY
(Musical Monologue)
 
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The Killjoy died and passed along to that happy peaceful state
He'd often pictured in his dreams and stood before the gate
He tried to pass the portals when a quiet voice said, 'Stay,
What did you do on earth my friend and who are you anyway?'
The Killjoy, in astonishment said 'Surely you know me
And all the splendid things I've done to help humanity?
To administer the law I did my duty in a way
That made me feared by every common sinner in my day
I did my very best to ban all Sunday games and then
I closed the public houses to the working man at ten
Music Halls and theatres I abhorred and in 'Revue'
The shameful human female form I hid from public view
Lovers in the open park, a pretty price they paid
They were most severely dealt with by the purity brigade
And should a good man fall from grace and dare to misbehave
Relentlessly I'd hound him down, Aye even to the grave.'
The voice cried, 'Stop, I've heard enough. It's very plain to see
You haven't judged your fellow man by standards set by me
But by your own small narrow soul, Oh how could you succeed?
Self righteousness your watchword, intolerance your creed
You've been most sadly misinformed. That fact is very clear
Only those who've radiated joy can ever enter here
But you have lived to kill that joy, you must reap just what you sow
Besides the laughter here would shock you. You'll be happier below.'
The Killjoy trembled like a leaf and said, 'Am I awake?
I cannot dwell with murderers, there must be some mistake'
'There's no mistake,' the voice replied, 'It's just your point of view
Perhaps you've never stopped to think they might object to you
You've quite a lot in common though you both play different roles
They only kill men's bodies but you destroy their souls.'
And so the Killjoy joined his friends, who'd kept for him a seat
With all the other Killjoys - just to make their hell complete.
 
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Written by Nosmo King & Ernest Longstaffe (1937)
 
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