KEEP YOUR 'ANDS IN YOUR TROUSERS POCKETS
 
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Now when you're knockin' abaht wiv pals a-smokin' big cigars,
Doin' the toff and winkin' at the barmaids in the bars,
Put the swagger on a lot, it never never fails.
Tell your pals to make them laugh a lot of funny tales.
Keep well at the back of them while they keep treating you
And don't think oh well now we're in the wet
But when it comes your turn to pay, turn your 'ead the other way
And look just like a mug and don't forget:

Chorus: To keep your 'ands in your trousers pockets. Do! Do! Do!
Take my advice. You will find it very nice for you! You! You!
When it comes to the time for to pay for drinks you'll find it all subli-ime.
Never let your 'ands get sunburnt.
Keep your 'ands in your pockets all the time.

When you're married and settle down you're treated like a pup.
Everything that you take home you have to settle up.
Overtime and undertime, it doesn't matter what.
Wives are always greedy and they want the bloomin' lot.
When you're retiring for the night your trousers you will 'ang
Upon the bed in case you don't beware.
Don't get in bed, upon me life, with your breezy greedy wife;
Plant yourself all night upon a chair.

Chorus: And keep your 'ands in your trousers pockets. Do! Do! Do!
Take my advice. You will find it very nice for you! You! You!
Then your wife can't pinch your overtime, and things will be subli-ime.
Never let your 'ands get sunburnt.
Keep your 'ands in your pockets all the time.

Chorus: Keep your 'ands in your trousers pockets. Do! Do! Do!
Take my advice. You will find it very nice for you! You! You!
When it comes to your time for to pay for drinks you'll find it all subli-ime.
Never let your 'ands get sunburnt.
Keep your 'ands in your pockets all the time.

 
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Performed by Harry Champion (1865-1942)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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