LISTEN WITH THE RIGHT EAR
(Sequel to 'Then You Wink The Other Eye')
 
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You wink the other eye when you don't wish to see,
Sometimes it's very useful, it's been so to me;
So all take my advice and you need never fear,
All you see is not real and not half what you hear.

Chorus: Listen with your right ear to all you wish to hear,
Keep your left ear closed and you'll have no cause to fear!
You keep your right ear open and the left lug shut,
Then you'll hear all that suits you, (that's an old chestnut!)

Now should your husband say, 'Dear, do you want a cloak?'
You hear that with the right ear, every word he spoke;
But should he say, 'My darling, buy yourself a hat!'
You bet you bottom dollar that you don't hear that.

Chorus:

When at a ball or party you hear someone say,
'Who is that char4ming creature? introduce me, pway!'
You hear that with your right ear, like a simple girl,
He might be Lord Augustus or a rich young Earl.

Chorus:

Should a masher chance to say, 'There's a howwid fwight!'
Don't you hear a word of that, close up both ears tight!
Hear nothing said against you, if you're wide awake,
Listen with the right ear and you will take the cake.

Chorus:

Should your masher say, 'Dear, haw, take this thousand pounds!'
Hear that with the right ear, your love it has no bounds,
But should Jennie Juggins ask for a little loan,
Don't you hear a word of that, be as deaf as stone.

Chorus:

THus through life you may go, and gain an honest name,
Hearing just a little, you may quickly rise to fame;
Only prove that 'black' is 'white', like people of that ilk,
It's easy, if you copy good old Charley Dilke.

Chorus:

 
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Written and composed by George Ware & George Le Brunn - 1892
Performed by Marie Lloyd (1870-1922)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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