LITTLE JOHNNY PORTER
 
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Little Johnny Porter kept a little shop
Shop, shop, shop, shop, shop
Selling nuts and apples, sweets and ginger pops
Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop
When a little maiden seemed a little shy
Shy, shy, shy, shy, shy
Johnny winked a wink and sighed a little sigh
Sigh,sigh,sigh, sigh, sigh.

Chorus: Oh Johnny Porter, oh Johnny Porter
I will tell Mamma
Oh Johnny Porter, oh Johnny what a
Funny little man you are
Then Johnny Porter said he wouldn't court her
If she told Mamma
He'd kissed and he squeezed
She seemed very pleased
Tra la la la la la la la.


One of Johnny's sweethearts, Clementina Flop
Didn't mind the kisses of this little fop
Pounds of sweets he gave her, that's the reason why
Kisses cost her nothing - sweets are dear to buy.

Chorus:

All his stock exhausted, Johnny got the hump
When he went for solace, she said, very plump
'I've got all I want so, you are now de trop.'
In the silence you'd have heard an acid drop

Chorus: 'Oh Johnny Porter! Oh Johnny Porter
I'm particular
Oh Johnny Porter, Oh Johnny what a
Stingy little man you are.'
And Johnny Porter is a County Courter
Poorer now by far
She laughs when she eats
Her poor Johnny's sweets
Tra la la la la la la la.


Then Miss Clementina stuffed herself so full
Dentist came and said some teeth he'd have to pull
Then she had a pain - yes, in her little tum
When she dreamed they say these words
Words she used to hum.

Chorus: Oh Johnny Porter, oh Johnny Porter
I will tell Mamma
Oh Johnny Porter, oh Johnny what a
Funny little man you are
Then Johnny Porter said he wouldn't court her
If she told Mamma
He'd kissed and he squeezed
She seemed very pleased
Tra la la la la la la la.


After years they met and she told him her woes
Said she loved him truly, he turned up his nose
Neither sweets nor love now - she felt she'd like to die
Wept a little weep and then began to cry

Chorus: Oh Johnny Porter, oh Johnny Porter
Won't you ask Mamma
Oh Johnny Porter, oh Johnny what a
Darling little man you are
Then Johnny Porter, just to cut it shorter
Said, 'Oh blow your Mamma
He kissed and he squeezed
She was more then pleased
Tra la la la la la la la.
 
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Written, composed and performed by R.A. Roberts (1866-1932) - 1896
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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