Miss Muffet once went for a walk in the Park
With Simon a simple young lad
And did not return to her home until dark
Then seemed to be awfully sad
'Why what is the matter?' the Ma she exclaimed
Miss Muffet then snivelled and sighed
And Simon he trembled and seemed quite ashamed
At length, with a sigh, he replied,

Chorus: 'Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her Curds and Whey
When a little 'big' spider
Sat close down beside her
And, that's all I've got to say.'

What ailed this young lady, the Ma could not tell
At length she called in Doctor Quack
Who said she'd be worse much, before she got well
He called it a bilious attack
At last she confessed to her mother and said
Young Simon had called her a 'pet'
And made her a promise that they should be wed
Yet all they from Simon could get.


The Father remarked that a spider he knew
Advantage will take of a fly
But tho' many wonderful things they can do
They cannot cause maidens to sigh
So he, for a promise of marriage, a breach
Of Simon, did damages claim
The Lawyer for her, made a capital speech
Then Simon did boldly exclaim.


The case was so strange that magistrate said
'You'd better both make yourselves one'
They took his advice, and anon they were wed
And Simon was blessed with a son
They quarrelled, so Simon one day with the boy
To some distant country did flee
Now daily he sits all alone in his joy
And sings with the child on his knee.

Performed by G.H. MacDermott (1845-1901)
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