LONDON, CHATHAM AND DOVER
 

'Twas on a lovely summer morn,
That I felt most delighted;
For to the darling girl, I loved,
I had just been united.
We settled to take a trip by rail,
When the ceromony was over,
And so we did but I'll tell you a tale,
Of the 'London, Chatham and Dover'.

Chorus: But pray beware and do take care,
Whenever you're a rover;
Or you may be, served out like me,
On the 'London, Chatham and Dover'.

In getting tickets we got shoved,
And crushed while at the station;
At lastgot seats and off we went,
In blissful expectation.
I at Chatham got out for a bottle of stout,
And a small pork pie moreover;
For it's seldom you fail to get peckish by rail,
On the 'London, Chatham and Dover'.

Chorus:

They allowed us a quarter of an hour, to wait,
At least, so a porter told me;
So I didn't hurry to get the stout,
(But alas that porter sold me.)
At the bar, I'd given a sov'reign for change;
But 'ere it was handed over,
I rush'd out, to find, I was left behind
On the 'London, Chatham and Dover'.

Chorus:

I shouted out and rush'd about,
By Jove, I felt near raving;
To see my dear, (though distant) wife,
Her sunshade wildly waving.
And when the train was out of sight,
I wish'd my life was over,
And in my stout I drank revenge,
To the 'London, Chatham and Dover'.

Chorus:

No train for Dover left that day,
They told this luckless elf, sirs;
So in Chatham I was forc'd to stay,
Whilst my bride she slept by herself, sirs.
Next day to Dover, I rush'd down,
But my troubles were not over;
For I found my wife had left for town
By the 'London, Chatham and Dover'.

Chorus:

Then, next I started off for town,
My feelings quite down-hearted;
I little thought when we were wed,
We should, so soon, be parted.
Arrived, from the train I rush'd like mad,
And nearly got run over;
Where I was, I scarcely knew, egad,
Whether at 'London, Chatham and Dover'.

Chorus:

We shall ne'[er forget our wedding day,
(Though the fault was surely mine, sirs);
For often since that time I've found,
It a most convenient line, sirs.
We're happy now and if we're blest,
With some little dears, moreover;
We both agree that the names of three,
Shall be 'London, Chatham and Dover'.

Chorus: I do declare (if you take care),
Whenever you're a rover;
You're sure to find the best of lines,
On the 'London, Chatham and Dover'.

 
div
 
Written and composed by G.W. Hunt
Performed by 'Jolly' John Nash (1830-1901)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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