MAJOR DE VOY
 
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I'm Major de Voy of the Carbineers,
Beloved by all the charming dears;
How many fair creatures I've left in tears,
In love with the handsome Major.
My wife is as jealous as can be,
She thinks there's no husband alive like me,
And certainly I think she has cause to be
Conceited about her Major.

Chorus: For Major de Voy is such a fascinating boy,
He still, the dear ladies, bewitches;
Tho' I'm sorry to say he can't have his own way,
For Mrs. de Voy wears the breeches.

Some time ago I went out to dine,
With my wife (of course) dress'd out so fine;
A beautiful dinner and splendid wine
Set out for the gallant Major.
Some elegant ladies I met there,
One in particular - extra fair;
I was flirting with her, when a voice near my chair
In a sepulchral tone, cried, "Major."

Spoken - It was my wife, It is very disagreeable you are caught flirting by your wife, - I say when you are interrupted in a quiet flirtation by your wife it is very disagreeable. - But my wife is so jealous, you know,

Chorus:

She engages the ugliest servant girls,
With high cheek bones and corkscrew curls;
And teeth that you cannot in truth call pearls.
To wait on the gallant Major.
My partner for life was my own choice,
And in my better half I rejoice,
She's quite eighteen stone with baritone voice;
And doats on her handsome Major.

Spoken - It is very disagreeable when a wife is too fond of her husband - I say when a wife displays an extra amount of affection towards her husband it is very disagreeable, I cannot leave the room to to wash my hands, but she follows me, and waits till I'm done, It is very disagreeable,- but she's so jealous you know,

Chorus:

If I want to go out, I must ask my wife,
To prevent a day of storm and strife,
It is disagreeable, 'pon my life,
To a man like the gallant Major.
One evening I seized on a good time,
Her temper all day had been quite sublime;
I asked her to take me to some Pantomime,
When didn't she scold her Major.

Spoken after 4th verse. - Quite a scene I assure you, - a transformation scene, very disagreeable to have a transformation scene in a drawing room. - Major, she said, - you ask me take you to see the Pantomime, you ought to be ashamed of yourself; you know you only want to go and see the girls' legs. - Well, my dear, I said, there is nothing at all disagreeable in a nice leg and foot, I say, when a pretty girl displays a handsome pair of limbs encased in silken hose, there is nothing about them very disagreeable, never mind what the Lord Chamberlain may say. - Major, she said, you shan't go. Very good, then I can stay at home, I say, I can remain at home. - Major, instead of going to the Pantomime, you can run round to Mrs. Prickletoe and ask her to come and have tea with us.
My dear, I said, I will go to Mrs. Prickletoe, but I cannot run round, - I say, I will go and invite the lady but run I cannot. - Major, she said, that's your unkind spirit prompts you to answer me thus, - you can't run, you can't do this, you can't do that, - you can't do anything. - it's very disagreeable to be told by your wife that you can't do anything - I say when you are told by your wife that you do not possess the ability to accomplish anything, it is very disagreeable, I merely said, My Dear, I can't run round, when you immediately say - I can't do this, I can't do that, I can't do anything; you must bear in mind that I am not so nimble as I was, I cannot show so much agility, I will walk round and invite Mrs. Prickletoe, as I consider her a very agreeable party. - Major, she said, Mrs. Prickletoe shall not come. - That was because I said I thought the lady a nice woman, very agreeable, was it not.
But she's so jealous you know.

Chorus:

 
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Written and composed by Arthur Lloyd - 1873
Performed by Arthur Lloyd (1840 - 1904)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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