MRS. MARY PLUCKER SPARROWTAIL
or 'Beautiful for Ever'
 
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I am called Widow Sparrowtail,
Oft for the loss of my good looks I'd weep and wail;
But thought it was of no avail,
To my utter astonishment.
In the newspapers a flaring advertisement;
Saying as how Madam Brachel she could prevent,
Beauty from going to decay, so...

Chorus: Ladies I pray, take example by me,
Can I forget Madame Brachel, no, never,
Altho' she got from me a very large fee,
In return I got beauty forever.

Her fame is so universal,
I mustn't say much as you'll think I am partial;
But when I seed Madame Brachel,
We both became friends from that day;
She said my wishes she's gratify,
I did not need it much but still she could beautify,
And you see she's prevented my
Beauty from going to decay.

Chorus:

I paid her a couple of thousand and got my pick,
Of the most beautiful requisite cosmetic;
P'rhapsyou'll think me a lunatic,
Talking to you in this way.
She said a great Duke had fallen in love with me,
This was the truth and the truth she could prov' to me.
Very soon he was introduced to me,
And adored me from that day.

Chorus:

How nice to be called Lady Mary,
I feel so impatient I scarcely can tarry;
I'll not rest till I do marry,
And oh! how I long for that day.
I'll always speak with gratitude,
Of Madame Brachel and her clever aptitude;
For preventing with promptitude,
Beauty from going to decay.

My own darling Mary,
I was ordered off last night but would not and could not go without you, my own love. I was promised the trial-trip last week, can you possibly arrange it for one night this week, my own love. If you have lost confidence in your ugly old donkey, say so, but this suspense is terrible. What you have done for me I will double with love and devotion. If you do not be guided by me, 'Love's labour is lost', If you wanted my life, I would lay it down at your own dear totty little feet.
The pencil-case I sent you belonged to my dear mother, it was the first gift from my father.
From your own devoted, Billy.

Chorus:

 
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From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
Trivia1

This song is based on the true story of Sally Russell, a fish-fryer from the slums of Clement St Danes who became Bond Street shop proprietor, Madame Rachel by way of Cosmetician, Con-Artist and Blackmailer.

 
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Trivia3
 
 
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