I used to be steady, I used to be staid
And my toys were all bought in the Lowther Arcade
I'd sit at the feet of my dearest Mamma
And recite little poems to fondest Papa
Or go with my sister for walks in the park
And get home quite an hour before it grew dark
But now that's all changed, that is easy to tell
I'm the latest invention, the Masher, the Swell.

I'm a strut up the Strand-ity, cane in my hand-ity
Doing the grand-ity swellah
Very much baronly, see Nellie Farrenly
Row with the cab-ity fellah
Smoke a cigar-ity, with the Majah-ity
Dwiddle and dwaddle and dwawl
I'm a rick-ity, rack-ity, trick-ity, track-ity
The finest mashah of all.

I used to be bashful, I used to be shy
If a lady looked at me, I'd cast down my eye
And if she tickled me under the chin
In my innocent heart, I believed 'twas a sin
If I went to a soiree, a rout or a ball
I was sure to be found hanging on the wall
And while others were smoking and drinking like fun
I was wrapping myself round a tart or a bun.

I'm a Rotten Row ride-ity, hat on one side-ity
Glass in my eye-dity, swell-ah
Trouble to talk-ity, ditto to walk-ity
Swag-ity, cweepity, crawl
Pet of society, little variety
Hi tral-lal-leety, fellah
A ram-ity, lamb-ity, jam-ity, damn-ity
Jamest Masher of all.

I used to be meally, I used to be mild
To my books and my studies quite reconciled
I used to believe that all heroes were brave
And their duties were ill-treated damsels to save
I used to believe that 'free trade' was a boon
And talked of 'good time' would appear to us soon
No wonder folks laughed at my innocence then
But these notions all flew when I mixed with the men.

Now I'm a leary and lank-ity, clerk in the bank-ity
Station and rank-ity swella
Smoke cigarette-ity, get into debt-ity
Rob Peter to settle with Paul
See a divin-ity, Chelsea vicinity
Money for pin-ity fellah
A lump-ity, jump-ity, give you the hump-ity
Number one Masher of all.

I used to be truthful, I used to be young
And in company never found use of my tongue
I always had plenty of blushes on hand
And a faint now and then I could always command
I was the most innocent mortal alive
Always thought that five beans should be counted as five
Always thought that the Sun brought the flowers in May
And the Haymarket residents only sold hay.

I'm a darling old chap-ity, go you at nap-ity
Slip-ity, slap-ity, swella
Hip Hip, hooray-ity, inside the Gaiety
'Beg yours, Sir, this is my stall!'
Gaiter of drab-ity, gift of the gab-ity
Row with the cab-ity fellah
Rick-ity, rack-ity, bric-ity, brac-ity
Prize medal Masher of all.
Written and composed by Harry Adams & Edward Jonghmans - 1884
Performed by Charles Godfrey (1851-1900)
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