THE MATRIMONIAL HANDICAP
 
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They're off! They’re off! The bell has rung; they're at the church today
A girl and chap are going nap for the matrimonial handicap
The Parson he's the starter, and the moment he says 'Go'
The race begins but what's the betting no one seems to know
The bonnie bride looks fit and well, the bridegroom so does he
He's rather fast and seems to say 'you have a bit on me.'

Chorus: Have a bit on the lad, back her every time
You go nap on the matrimonial handicap
She'll get home in a canter. Poor married man
It's a thousand and one on him rolling home
With the 'Also ran.'


They're off! They’re off! They’re in the train; they're on their honeymoon
Just catch 'em while the blinds are up-you talk about your 'kissing cup'
They're in the tunnel now look, look the bridegroom makes the pace
He's coming closer, closer, closer my word what a race
See bonnie bride she's falling back, she's falling back but oh
She comes up like a two year old they're 'neck to neck' - hullo.

Chorus:

They're off! They’re off! They’re settling down, but now they're falling out
They're not so close as they have been, for baby boy has come between
Poor married man starts off at ten-to-eight, but now we see
Close to the rails he's rolling home' dead beat' at ten-to-three
The race is o'er, what's one , two, three? As usual I declare
Bride first, Ma second, baby third, poor married man no-where!

Chorus:
 
PDF Sheet Music
 
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Written and composed by Weston & Barnes - 1913
Performed by Whit Cunliffe (1876-166)
 
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