I saw a fellow drowning once whilst strolling by the sea
He shouted, 'Come and save me.' I said, 'Save you? No, not me,
The water's wet, I cannot swim and I'm much safer here
So I wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year.'

I went into a police court by mistake you will agree
I got up in the witness box, they all looked straight at me
The judge he turned around and said, 'What is it brings you here?'
So I said, 'A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.'

I once went in the country and I sat me down at ease
But I soon found out that I'd been sat upon a nest of bees
And when I told my wife she said, 'Where did they sting you, dear?'
So I said, 'A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.'

The streets are very dirty and me boots is very thin
I've got a little pocket for to put a penny in
If you haven't got a penny then a halfpenny will do
If you haven't got the halfpenny then God Bless You.
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