MISTER NOBODY
 
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Who do you think wrote this new song I've got?
(Audience) Nobody (Singer) Who? (Audience) Nobody!
Who is the person from whom it was bought?
(Audience) Nobody (Singer) Who? (Audience) Nobody!
I hope you don't fancy my song is a fraud
It's not badly written, it isn't too broad
But after I've sung it who's going to applaud?
(Audience) Nobody (Singer) Who? (Audience) Nobody!

Chorus: Oh Mister Nobody! Oh Mister Nobody
Nobody's the fellow that nobody can see
Oh Mister Nobody! Where's Mister Nobody
What a funny fellow Mister Nobody must be.

What is a married man when he's at home?
(Audience) Nobody (Singer) What? (Audience) Nobody!
Who knows his tricks when away he does roam?
(Audience) Nobody (Singer) Who? (Audience) Nobody!
He often strolls home as the midnight bells chime
And in his pocket he hasn't a dime
Who does he say he's been with all the time?
(Audience) Nobody (Singer) Who? (Audience) Nobody!

Chorus:

What is a girl if she hasn't a beau?
(Audience) Nobody (Singer) What? (Audience) Nobody!
What is her sweetheart if he's rather slow?
(Audience) Nobody (Singer) What? (Audience) Nobody!
Girls may be fond of their Harry or John
But if a poor fellow's money is gone
Tell the truth ladies, now who'll take him on?
(Audience) Nobody (Singer) Who? (Audience) Nobody!

Chorus:

If you're in lodgings who steals all the meat?
(Audience) Nobody (Singer) Who? (Audience) Nobody!
Who is the cat who has only two feet?
(Audience) Nobody (Singer) Who? (Audience) Nobody!
To whom does your cook give the rabbit pie now?
Who eats the mutton that gets lost somehow?
Who sees a bobby when there is a row?
(Audience) Nobody (Singer) Who? (Audience) Nobody!

Chorus:

Who likes to live with his mother-in-law?
(Audience) Nobody (Singer) Who? (Audience) Nobody!
Who'll ever beat Mrs Weldon at law?
(Audience) Nobody (Singer) Who? (Audience) Nobody!
When woman holds forth on her rights and her wrongs
With her husband, they go at it hammer and tongs?
She's the victor, for what man can stand women's tongues?
(Audience) Nobody (Singer) Who? (Audience) Nobody!

Chorus:

Who likes to sit on the point of a pin?
(Audience) Nobody (Singer) Who? (Audience) Nobody!
Who'd rather drink of the Thames than of gin?
(Audience) Nobody (Singer) Who? (Audience) Nobody!
I've heard people say you should always be gay
And when trouble comes you should laugh it away
Who'd laugh if they'd 'skilly' to eat every day?
(Audience) Nobody (Singer) Who? (Audience) Nobody!

Chorus:
 
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Written and composed by Felix McGlennon
Performed by Miss Nellie L'Estrange
 
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