THE MOUSE-TRAP MAN
 
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Kind friends, in me, you an object behold,
Wounded in feelings, and minus his heart.
I loved a girl, but by her I've been sold,
All for a mouse-trap man, spicy and smart.
Outside her door, loudly bawling he'd go,
'Mouse-traps a penny,' throughout all the day.
In her good graces he soon got, I know—
Caught her with his mouse-traps, and stole her away.

Chorus: 'Mouse-traps, mouse-traps,' he'd cry.
'Mouse-traps, fine mouse-traps, who'll buy?
Strong as a house, just have one and see.
Mouse-traps a penny, a penny. Who'll buy?'


She was named Scratchem, from Itchin she came,
Was a smart housemaid, I have you to know.
In most chaps' hearts she would kindle love's flame.
She lived at Harrow, when I was her beau.
She told this chap they were swarming with mice,
Called him inside, and with beer did him prime,
When she'd replenished his pewter pot twice.
He gave her a tap which choked six at a time.

Chorus:

In a dark corner this trap she did fix,
Baited each hook with a piece of burnt cheese,
Woke up next morning, and there she found six
Poor little mouses as dead as you please.
When she discovered them, she cried, 'Oh lor!
Never before was the like seen of sich,
Him as brought that mouse-trap to the door
I'm sure is a conjurer, leastwise a witch.'

Chorus:

No more cold vittles I got from that day.
All of her perkersites went to that chap.
When I asked for 'em, she used for to say
As how she wanted them to bait the trap.
'That may be true,' said I, 'but perhaps you'll tell,
Where are the governor's old left-off suits?
You must have them, for you know very well,
They don't bait mouse-traps with old trousers and boots.'

Chorus:

She kicked me out, slammed the door in my face,
Sent me adrift with a flea in my ear.
She'd give me turnips, and it was a case.
I was outrivaled by that chap, 'twas clear.
Last Sunday week they were man and wife made,
Which filled my buzzum with grief, care, and woe.
Now they are doing a fine rousing trade,
For 'Mouse-traps a plenty' they both bawling go.

Chorus:
 
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Written and arranged by H.J. Whymark & R. Hughes - 1865
(Adapted from 'The Mouse Trap Man by W. H. Montgomery)
Performed by George Leybourne (1842-1884)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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