MR AND MRS SMITH
 
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Lizzie was a pretty little housemaid
At Mr Smith's in Upper Bedford Row
Lizzie was a maid that was very far from staid
In fact to put it mild, she wasn't slow
Every Monday Mrs Smith went to a sewing class
And this is where our story we begin
For by a strange coincidence it always used to happen
Upon that evening, Mr Smith stayed in!

Chorus: And he'd take Miss Lizzie on his knee
And bob her up and down like this
He'd squeeze her dainty little figure
And her ruby lips he'd kiss
They'd sit together in the gloom
I don't know what they talked about
All I know is Mr Smith was in
And Mrs Smith was out.


Lizzie got to look for Monday evenings
And pitter patter went her little heart
She'd watch with anxious eye as the time was drawing nigh
When Mrs Smith from home had to depart
Now Mr Smith upon that night would hurry home from biz.
And haste to get his dinner over soon
When he'd finished eating, with a grunt of satisfaction
He'd lay aside his knife and fork and er spoon!

Chorus:

Mr Smith and Lizzie every Monday
An hour or two of blissful rapture stole
By the fire there in a nice big easy chair
They sat and talked about the ...'price of coal'
Until one evening Mrs Smith returned before her time
And peeping through the keyhole just for fun
She saw her hubby teaching Lizzie how to press his trousers
And this is how the pressing part was done,

Chorus: He took Miss Lizzie on his knee
And bobbed her up and down like this
He'd squeeze her dainty little figure
Then her ruby lips began to kiss
They sat together in the gloom
I don't know what they talked about
All I know is Mrs Smith flew in
And Mr Smith flew out.
 
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Written and composed by Lee & David
Performed by Clarice Mayne (1886-1966
 
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