MY BEASTLY EYE-GLASS
 
div
 
I'm a funny sort of Johnny, I philosophize a lot
And when I think - I think a lot of thoughts
And when my brain gets addled, as the best brains always do
I go and have a 'pick-me-up' at 'Shorts'
But nothing really ruffles me, I don't see why it should
Whatever comes along I never cry
The only thing that worries me at all is simply this
I cannot keep my eye-glass in my eye.

I once was nearly married to a girl from U.S.A.
Whose dad had made his millions out of pork
She really got quite fond of me, and one fine Summer's day
Suggested that we take a beastly walk
She asked me, 'Could I love her?' I said I didn't know
That later on perhaps I'd have a try
That really at the moment I'd as much as I could do
To keep my beastly eye-glass in my eye.

I hear that folks are starving, what a rotten thing to do
With heaps of first class restaurants about
I know a lot of places where for half-a-quid or so
You can get a really ripping good blow-out
They say folks have no money and they all are stoney broke
That 'Help the un-employed' now is the cry
I only wish the bounders had the work that I have got
To keep my beastly eye-glass in my eye.

I once got very angry with a policeman, don't you know
He actually wanted me to fight
A burley-looking ruffian had got him on the ground
And was knocking him about with all his might
The policeman cried, 'Hi, hi! you there_ Help, help, he's killing me.'
'Help you?' I said, 'I really can't see why
I don't know how you think that I can possibly fight
And keep my beastly eye-glass in my eye.'

I'm feeling awfully seedy, I'm so tired, don't you know
I really think my nerves are giving way
When I get up in the morning, it's an awful fag to dress
It really knocks me up for half a day
My doctor tells me, if I do not buck up soon
I'll probably get worse, or p'r'aps I'll die
That doesn't worry me at all, my lawyer has arranged
That I'm buried with my eye-glass in my eye.
 
div
 
Performed by Tom Clare (1876-1946)
Performed by Harold Montague (b. 1874)
 
div
 
 
home spaceA spaceB spaceC spaceD spaceE spaceF spaceG spaceH spaceI spaceJ spaceK spaceL spaceM spaceN spaceO spaceP spaceQ spaceR spaceS spaceT spaceU spaceV spaceW spaceX spaceY spaceZ