MY INVENTIVE PAL
 
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Hoppy Walker used to be my pal - but that was long ago
Before he took so many things on hand
But now, near ev'ry evening to a 'night-school' he will go
To study things that he don't understand
He's going in for chemistry and engineering skill
Inventing new machines of every kind
He ain't yet knocked out Edison, but says some-day he will
I know he'll get blown up if he don't mind.

Chorus: He's invented this, he's invented that
And a lot more things as well
His brain's so full of new ideas they're more than I can tell
And his wife goes out washing and a-charing
While at home in bed he lies
A-trying to invent an aerial machine
That'll take him up to Heaven when he dies.


He's discovered now that if you chuck a brick up in the air
It's bound to tumble down upon yer head
And the reason that the brickbat doesn't stop a bit up there
Is the force of gravitation, so he said
But while he sits inventing things he don't forget to booze
His kids ain't got a rag upon their back
He says it's most unhealthy, and he won't let them wear shoes
But gives their feet a coat of 'Brunswick Black'

Chorus: He's invented this, he's invented that
And a lot more things as well
His brain's so full of new ideas they're more than I can tell
And his wife goes out washing and a-charing
While at home in bed he lies
A-trying to invent a ladder long enough
So as he can pluck a star from off the skies.


Now a bedstead he's invented that, will wake you in the morn
You have to wind it up the night before
It's full of springs and levers - and when yer time has gone
That bedstead chucks you out upon the floor
He's invented a piano and a harp - to play by steam
A fire-engine with india-rubber tyres
But I fancy 'Hoppy's Scarecrow' is about his finest scheme
For all you have to do is pull the wires.

Chorus: He's invented this, he's invented that
And a lot more things as well
His brain's so full of new ideas they're more than I can tell
And his wife goes out washing and a-charing
While at home in bed he lies
A-trying to invent a muzzle to prevent
A copper in the box a-telling lies.
 
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Written and composed by Frank Leo
Performed by Herbert Campbell (1844-1904)
 
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