MY NEW HAT
 
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When my missis bought me my new Sunday clothes
She bought me this new hat as well
She said, 'You must keep it for special occasions
When you want to do the big swell.'
Last week up to London on business I went
The wife said, 'As this is a special event.'

Chorus: 'John, John, put your new hat on
You never know who you might see.'
When I got to London a big crowd was there
I thought what on earth can it be?
Then everyone shouted, 'Here comes the Queen.'
And when she smiled at me I was sat on
I said, 'Liza was right, you don't know who you'll meet
It's a good job I put me new hat on.'


I once joined an anarchist club, and oh dear
With fear I did shiver and shake
They said, 'We must first test your courage, young man
To see if a member you'll make
Before I left home, oh the wife said to me,
'If one of them anarchists you're going to be,'

Chorus: 'John, John, put your new hat on
Of anarchists I've heard some talk
Well to start the proceedings they took off me clothes
And on red hot bricks made me walk
They said, 'Now we've roasted yer, we'll freeze yer too
Then I cried as an iceberg I sat on
'Thank goodness I shan't catch a cold in my head
It's a good job I put my new hat on.


I stayed on a farm and the day that I left
The farmer said, 'I'll tell you what
As you're going to leave us I'll just take a photo
Of you, with a prize pig I've got
I sat on the pig. 'Are you ready?' said he
Then my missus rushed up and shouted to me,

Chorus: 'John, John, put your new hat on
It won't show so much of your face.'
Then he took the photo. I showed it the wife
But my features she couldn't trace
She said, 'Which is you, John, and which is the pig?
I replied, 'That's the pig that I'm sat on.'
She looked at the pig and then me and said, 'John
It's a good job you put your new hat on.'
 
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Performed by Jack Pleasants (1874-1924)
 
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