MY OLD IRON CROSS
 
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I'm the bloke that broke the bank at Monte Carlo
I'm the hero of a dozen dirty nights
I went down in a submarine to give the Kaiser one
It went off bang and up I went and landed in the Sun
There I met the Kaiser and he said, 'I'm up the stick
If you can get me out of here I'll treat you mighty quick.'

Chorus: Me old Iron Cross, Me old Iron Cross
What a waste I do declare
Over there in Germany they're giving them away
You can have a dozen if you shout hooray
The Kaiser said to me, 'Old cock
Me kingdom for a horse.'
I gave him the one the missis drys the clothes on
And he gave me the old Iron Cross.


I've been busy as a bee a-building trenches
But I stopped because I wore away me spade
I'd been digging for a fortnight with the mud up to my neck
Me clothes all torn and tattered and I looked a perfect wreck
All at once a thousand Germans shouted, 'Give us meat'
I gave them a sausage that I'd dug up for a treat.

Chorus: Me old Iron Cross, Me old Iron Cross
What a waste I do declare
Over there in Germany they're giving them away
You can have a dozen if you shout hooray
The Kaiser shouted 'Meat, meat, meat'
I gave him some of course
Though he only had a little nibble at me old ham bone
He gave me the old Iron Cross.


I was scouting around in a place they called shimozle
With a thousand Russian dancers out for blood
The officer commanding us had gone to get a drink
So I sent the cabin boy for one in less than half a twink
Then we stormed some trenches and we made the Germans run
Captured several prisoners and Mr Kaiser's son.

Chorus: Me old Iron Cross, Me old Iron Cross
What a waste I do declare
Over there in Germany they're throwing them away
You can have a dozen if you shout hooray
The Crown Prince said, 'Oh go to... well
It fills me with remorse.'
I told him how to get to Tipperary
And he gave me the old Iron Cross.
 
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Performed by Harry Champion (1865-1942)
 
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