NEVER LET YOUR BRACES DANGLE
 
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I was one of eighteen boys, all of us wore corduroys
I was roughest of the gang, for my braces used to hang
Dangling all around my feet, and Mother used to bawl
Pointing to the text so neat, she'd hung upon the wall

Chorus: Never let your braces dangle. dingle, dingle, dangle
Never thieve, don't deceive and never row or wrangle
Stick to the right, get away from the bad
Don't get as tight as your poor old Dad
But the greatest motto of the lot, my lad
Is never let your braces dangle.


Once I went to Berkeley Hunt, I was standing well in front
But I dropped my collar stud, so I knelt down in the mud
Some short-sighted major saw my braces hung behind
Jumped up on my back, oh lor, the thought came to my mind

Chorus: Never let your braces dangle. dingle, dingle, dangle
Said fat Mac, upon my back, as me he tried to strangle
'Ho tally ho, Ho tally ho,
Ain't you a horse?' And I answered, 'No'
Then he pulled my reins, and then said 'Gee whoa'
Never let your braces dangle.


Drinking rum the other night, I set all the house alight
So I scampered up the stair, squeezing thro' the skylight there
Being fat, I stuck half way and ma-in-law below
Grabbed my braces said, 'Hooray! With you I mean to go'

Chorus: Never let your braces dangle. dingle, dingle, dangle
She said, 'John' as she hung on, 'To save me you must wangle'
After the fire when the danger was o'er
I got a bob on the medal I wore
But I couldn't get tuppence for my mother-in-law
So never let your braces dangle.


Mrs Murphy's got a mat, 'tain't the skin of some tom cat
On the floor it looks no doubt, like a man been flattened out
I said to her, 'Mary Ann, your carpet does look queer'
She said, 'That's my first old man' And whispered in my ear

Chorus: 'Never let your braces dangle. dingle, dingle, dangle
Poor old sport, he got caught, and dragged right through the mangle
Over the roller then he went, by gum
And out he came like linoleum
Now you've wiped your feet on his rum-tum-tum
So never let your braces dangle'


One night seated in the park, with a lady after dark
Kidding I was Lord Mcduff, her younger brother _ what a rough
Shouted, 'Hi, I know you by your braces round your feet'
Saying, when upon the sly, he'd tied me to the seat

Chorus: Never let your braces dangle. dingle, dingle, dangle
I was tied there side by side with Lucy, what a tangle
Up came my wife and she called me a flirt
I wriggled out of my pants for a cert.
And she yelled as she hung on to the tails of my shirt
Never let your braces dangle.


Fed on oatmeal from a kid, I got very Scotch I did
So I joined the Scotch Brigade, but first day on parade
Round my knees my braces hung and straight I blushed with guilt
Said the Colonel, 'Private Bung, when marching in your kilt.

Chorus: Never let your braces dangle. dingle, dingle, dangle
You're not built for a kilt,' said Colonel Jock Mcfangle
The wind's very high, very high on the heath
And the girls won't smile or show their teeth
If they think you've trousers underneath
So never let your braces dangle.


On a foggy afternoon once, we had to shoot the moon
On the barrow I had got, bedstead, chairs and all the lot
But I stuck it with a will, though people in the road
Shouted, while up Highgate Hill I dragged my little load

Chorus: Never let your braces dangle. dingle, dingle, dangle
Up that hill I stuck it till, my legs got in a tangle
Got to the top, said a chap, 'Here we are'
He undid my braces, and murmured 'Ta'
For I'd been 'cock-horse' to his tramway car
So never let your braces dangle.
 
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Written and composed by Barnes/Weston
Recorded 1910 by Harry Champion (1866-1942)
 
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