NEXT DOOR TO ME
 
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Next door to me there's a pretty little girl and her age is just nineteen,
Every opportunity that I can find,
I go and have a 'liker' through the window blind;
When she's about with a shovel and a pail, talk about a sight that charms!
I often have a feeling I should like to have a slap at her great big bare fat arms!

Chorus: Next door to me! Next door to me! the girl next door to me!
My poor little heart's going pip! pip! pop!
when I see the pretty little raspberry-drop,
Next door to me! Next door to me! the girl next door to me!
If it wasn't for my wife, I'd soon get married to the girl next door to me!

Next door to me there's a garden at the back and when I got home last night,
I was in a very, very muddy state;
I hadn't got my key and it was awf'ly late,
Round to the rear I determined I would go, soon upon the wall climbed up;
I dropped into a garden, then I heard a sudden growl, 'twas the great big bulldog pup.

Chorus: Next door to me! Next door to me! the dog next door to me!
He rushed at 'my nibs' with a healthy bite,
And he bit me badly in the rear, last night,
Next door to me! Next door to me! the dog next door to me!
They're going to dig a grave but it's not for me, but the dog next door to me.

Next door to me there's a puddle in the yard where a big duck used to swim,
Saturday the wife was in a fine old way,
We hadn't got a bit o' grub to eat next day,
I got to work with a fishing rod and line as soon as it was nice and late,
I went up to the bedroom with a juicy little worm and I gently dropped my bait,

Chorus: Next door to me! Next door to me! to the duck next door to me!
My nice little hook where the worm was stuck,
It was soon in the gizzard of the fine, fat duck,
Next door to me! Next door to me! the duck next door to me!
Oh, the missis and myself made a darned good dinner of the duck next door to me.

Now next door to me there's a very funny pair, well, you know what fat girls are,
These are quite the biggest that I ever did see,
They're not on exhibition but they ought to be;
Every Monday they hang the washing out if the weather's nice and fine,
You ought to come and have a look at all the funny things when they put them on the line.

Chorus: Next door to me! Next door to me! the clothes next door to me!
The things and the bits and the those and these,
Go a flip-flop-flapping in the gentle breeze,
Next door to me! next door to me! the clothes next door to me!
Oh, it's funny when you think of the two fat women in the clothes next door to me!

 
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Written and composed by J.W. Hall/Fred Murray & Fred Leigh - 1901
Performed by Frank Coyne (1875-1906)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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