NINEPENCE-HA'PENNY AN HOUR
 
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By trade I am a plumber, and I think I know my biz.
Today I've been at work at Number Three
A water-pipe had busted, and you know how bad things is.
So I've got to make the most of it, d'ye see?
First of all, I sent my mate to look at it,
And he saw the water pouring on the bed,
He said, 'I must fetch my pal to look at it
And we soon had a look together, and I said,
'This'll be a dry job, so we'll have a look, and then
We'll go fetch the tools, and then we'll have a look again.'

Refrain: At nine-pence ha'penny an hour
At nine-pence ha'penny an hour
We had a drink or two, and when we'd had a pipe o' shag
We goes off home and gets the tools wot's in the carpet bag
Back we toddles to the job, the water pours in such a shower
That we have to go home again and dry our cord-y-roys
At nine-pence ha'penny an hour.

We goes back in the afternoon, and when I found a pail,
To make a fire, I went out for some coals,
My pal goes in the cellar with a hammer and a nail
And in the pipe he found a lot more holes.
All the bedroom furniture went floating down the stairs,
I says, 'Bill' as it went floating by,
'This is very dirty work, I've got a cake of 'Pears'
I'll have a wash,' And Bill says, 'So will I.'
When we'd washed ourselves, says I to Bill, 'I'm feeling beat.'
So we sits down to have a blow - and have a bit to eat.

Refrain: At nine-pence ha'penny an hour
At nine-pence ha'penny an hour
We both sat down upon the bed, and then, as I perspired
I dropped my bread and cheese, 'cos I was awful tired
In the water splash it went, my bread was washed all into flour,
But we sat till it was knocking off time, fishing for the cheese
At nine-pence ha'penny an hour

 
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Written and composed by R.P. Weston & Fred J. Barnes - 1905
Performed by Harry Randall (1857-1932)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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