NO MORE
 
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I yesterday vowed I would drink bitter beer,
No more!
Said I to myself I'll get boosey I swear,
No more!
But I had to take one, just to keep out the cold,
I remember no more, but today I was told,
I was thrown out a 'pub' for they said I could hold,
No more, no more!

The cigars that I smoke I pay one penny for,
No more!
I've heard they're composed of dried cabbage and straw,
No more!
A friend of mine once, I presented with one,
I know 'twas a thing I ought not to have done,
He lingered ten minutes and then was poor John,
No more, no more!

I fell in love only just once in my life,
No more!
For seven long years I'd a nag-nagging wife,
No more!
We used to have quarrels and fights every day,
At last, with our lodger, she bolted away,
I've not seen her since and I shall do I pray,
No more, no more!

Bill Smith says he'll ask me to dine at his place,
No more!
Just listen, I'll tell you the facts of the case,
No more!
I dined there last week and for once in my life,
I got a bit screwed and occasioned some strife,
Through kissing some ladies, including Smith's wife,
No more, no more!

I'd a juvenile brother last year, only one,
No more!
This Earth he will never be seen upon,
No more!
At playing with gunpowder he always was keen,
At last he invents an infernal machine,
One day came a crash, little Billy was seen,
No more, no more!

I told a man once that he'd gone off his chump,
No more!
He lifted his fist and he gave me one thump,
No more!
It travelled all over my features somehow,
And fine, handsome features they were too, I vow,
I'm bound to acknowledge my beauty is now,
No more, no more!

I used to go racing but shall do again,
No more!
By mistake I was set on by quite, twenty men,
Perhaps more,
They rolled me about in the mire and the dirt,
They tore all my clothes off, oh, lor! they did hurt,
Well, when they'd quite finished I got on my shirt, No more, no more!
 
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Performed by James Fawn (1850-1923)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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