ODDS AND ENDS
(or Sunday Morning)
 
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Now Jimmy, on a steeple, saw a weather-cock one day,
So he went and asked his teacher in a quiet sort of way.
'Why don't they put a hen upon a church?' said little Jim,
His teacher looked embarrassed as he slowly answered him.

Chorus: Well, they never put the hen upon a steeple,
On a steeple, on a steeple.
they never put the hen upon a steeple,
'Cos it's too far up to go and get the eggs.

One night, around our neighbourhood, there seemed to be a row,
And Mrs. Murphy's husband got into a scrape, somehow.
He would insist on fighting any man that came in sight,
But someone brought him home upon the ambulance, that night.

Chorus: And he couldn't wipe his nose on Sunday morning,
Sunday morning, Sunday morning.
He couldn't wipe his nose on Sunday morning,
'Cos someone knocked it off on Saturday night.

A newly married couple went upon their honeymoon,
And reached a country station on their journey, very soon.
The stations name was 'Sawyer' and the engine made a stop,
Just as the man was cuddling his little popsy-wop.

Chorus: So the porter on the station shouted, 'Sawyer'
Shouted, 'Sawyer', shouted, 'Sawyer'
The porter on the station shouted, 'Sawyer'
But the lady said, 'We're married, if you did!'

 
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Performed by George Formby Senior (1877-1921)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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