OH, THE HARBOUR LIGHTS
 
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Two days ago the other week, we sailed away from Barking Creek
And tried to reach the pond at Hampstead Heath
When we arrived at Pimlico, the lightning it began to blow
We hung on to our whiskers with our teeth
The captain did a song and dance, the thunder blew away his pants
'Twas plain to see he suffered a terrible shock
He dug his toe-nails in his hair, struck the mate and began to swear
The crew struck work and the ship struck on a rock

Refrain: Oh, the Harbour Lights, why did they go out?
Somebody might have struck us a light
To show us that danger was near
I ran down in the cabin, you know
Thought I'd rescue the pongelo
But all I could save, from a watery grave,
Was a bottle of 'Binger Geer'.


When they saw their awful fate, both the bosun and the mate
Took off their socks and wiped away their tears
No mistake they were upset, 'cos the water was so wet
They hadn't had a bath for forty years
Sharks came round to see the fun, but we poisoned them ev'ry one
With saveloys and Gorgonzola cheese
Things were going from better to worse
But as I've got to the end of my verse
I'll ask you all a riddle, if you please.

Refrain: Oh, the Harbour Lights, why did they go out?
Guess it you won't, for nobody don't
Know what the dickens it means
No more will 'your humble' a mariner be
I've had enough of the sea, you see
So as I'm a nut they've made me a
Colonel in the Horse Marines.


When the ship became a wreck, I jumped off the quarter-deck
Landed up to my ankles in the foam
Saw a mermaid on the sands, doing the can-can on her hands
While she whistled the tune of 'Home sweet Home'
She looked up and said, 'Marry me, do.' I said, 'I'm obliged to you
But I don't want to die yet, thank you, mum.'
She said I was a cheeky chap, told me to shut my 'tater-trap'
Then I asked her this conundrum.

Refrain: Oh, the Harbour Lights, why did they go out?
Nobody knows and nobody cares
It's nothing to do with the song
But as I have got to the end of my lay
I'll bid you good-bye in my own sweet way
Farewell! Farewell! I'm going to do a
'Bunkity_ bunkity_bong!!
 
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Performed by Fred Earle (1877-1915)
 
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