THE OLD WOMAN AND HER PIG
 
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An old woman once to market did go, to purchase herself a pig,
But in taking her little porky home, it led her an awful rig.
Oh my! was the old woman's cry, she was in a dreadful plight,
The pig won't get over the stile
And I'll never get home tonight.

A dog the old woman saw walking past,when she'd waited a little while;
Dear dog, said she, wilt you bite my pig, and make it go over the stile.
Oh, my! was the old woman's cry, she was in a dreadful plight;
Dog, dog, bite pig,
Pig won't get over the stile
And I'll never get home tonight.

The dog looked up at the dame and smiled, but politely declined the job:
When the dame by her side, a stick descried and asked it to beat-the dog.
Oh, my! was the old woman's cry, she was in a dreadful plight;
Stick, stick, beat dog,
Dog won't bite pig,
Pig won't get over the stile
And I'll never get home tonight.

The stick then replied, pray excuse me, old dame, for I feel so lazy and thick;
When the old woman saw a blazing fire, and begged it would burn the stick.
Oh, my! was the old womans cry, she was in a dreadful plight;
Fire, fire, burn stick,
Stick won't beat dog,
Dog won't bite pig,
Pig won't get over the stile
And I'll never get home tonight.

Said the fire, the stick is so large and thick, of my job very soon I should tire;
When the dame discovered some water near, and prayed it would quench the fire.
Oh, my! was thy old woman's cry, she was in a dreadful plight;
Water, water, quench fire,
Fire won't burn stick,
Stick won't beat dog,
Dog won't bite pig,
Pig won't get over the stile
And I'll never get home tonight.

The water said, Madam, I beg to decline, for I don't see why I oughter;
When seeing an Ox, a taking a walk, she begged it would drink the water.
Oh, my! was the old woman's cry, she was in a dreadful plight;
Ox, ox,drink water,
Water won't quench fire,
Fire won't burn stick,
Stick won't beat dog,
Dog won't bite pig,
Pig won't get over the stile
And I'll never get home tonight.

The Ox said, old woman, I'll do no such thing, such a deed my feelings shocks:
When a butcher passing, the dame entreated that he would kill the ox.
Oh, my! was the old woman's cry, she was in a dreadful plight;
Butcher, butcher, kill ox,
Ox won't drink water,
Water won't quench fire,
Fire won't burn stick,
Stick won't beat dog,
Dog won't bite pig,
Pig won't get over the stile
And I'll never get home tonight.

The butcher then answered, with pleasure, dear dame, for the ox to you has been rude;
I'll kill it dame, and cut it up, for I know it will, make good food.
Oh, my! was the old woman's cry, recovering from her fright,
For the Butcher began to kill the ox,
The ox began to drink the water,
The water began to quench the fire,
The fire began to burn the stick,
The stick began to beat the dog,
The dog began to bite the pig,
The pig at once got over the stile,
And the dame got home safely that night.
 
PDF Sheet Music
 
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Written, composed and performed by Arthur Lloyd (1840-1904)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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