ONLY A PAIR OF SHOES
 
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All about a pair of shoes, I will tell you if you choose
Jenks got married yesterday to old Bunkham's daughter May
As the happy pair departed for the honey-moon light-hearted
Pa-in-law, o'ercome with booze, on them dropped his worn-out shoes
From the first-floor window dropped them and poor Jenks's head just copped'em.

Chorus: Only a pair of shoes, only a pair of shoes
Number twelves with leather laces, just a pair of Trilby cases
Only a pair of shoes, spread the awful news
They struck poor Jenks's head, and he dropped down dead
All through a pair of shoes.


Charley Bluffem one fine day went to Birmingham, they say
Wired his wife, 'Detained - all right! But I shan't be home tonight.'
She'd suspicions in her noddle, off to Brum that night did toddle
His hotel reached - not too late - 'What's his room? Ah, number eight
There's his shoes' she quickly spied 'em, with - a lady's pair beside 'em

Chorus: Only a pair of shoes, only a pair of shoes
Number fours with mohair laces, just a pair of Trilby cases
Only a pair of shoes, spread the awful news
She's suing now of course for a quick divorce
All through a pair of shoes.


Billy Masham, fond of life, down to Ramsgate sent his wife
Thinking while she'd gone to be having quite a rare old spree
Her first letter quite surprised him, what he read quite paralysed him
'Go to my boot shop in town, send a pair of tan shoes down
For the ladies are my dear, wearing nothing else down here.'

Chorus: Only a pair of shoes, only a pair of shoes
Dainty ones with nice tan laces, just a pair of Trilby cases
Only a pair of shoes, spread the awful news
His pals said, 'Well, I'm damned! and now Ramgate's crammed
All through a pair of shoes.


Johnny Spooner's Sunday mash bought a pair of shoes - 'twas rash
Gutta-percha soles and heels, she said, 'NIce and soft it feels.'
In the blazing sun one morning they went out, and without warning
Her shoes softened, till at last to the roadway she stuck fast
All night like two owls they stood there far from mankind, fairly glued there

Chorus: Only a pair of shoes, only a pair of shoes
Gutta-percha soles and laces, just a pair of Trilby cases
Only a pair of shoes, spread the awful news
Her Pa and Ma they say, shut her out next day, all through a pair of shoes.
 
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Written and composed by E.W. Rogers - 1896
Performed by Vesta Tilley (1864-1952)
 
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