THE OOFLESS DUKE
 
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Down Bond Street or Pall Mall, you'll find they know me well
A London dude of high degree, a sterling tip-top swell
A sort of ladies pet, right up to here in debt
I want to find an heiress who my horrid debts will pay
If England don't provide one, I must search the USA.

Chorus: Ladies step this way, there's a bargain here today
A nobleman to let girls, with a ducal coronet girls
Ladies step this way, come plonk your dollars down
Who speaks first for the elegant, oofless Duke of Tinpot town.

I don't mind telling you, that things are looking blue
I'm stony broke and much afraid can't go the season through
Kind ladies do be nice, step up and pay the price
You may think me a luxury because my debts are large
But do not let that keep you back I make no extra charge.

Chorus:

Well tailord up and groomed, in newspapers I'm boomed
But if the heiress don't turn up I'm much afraid I'm doomed
So Ladies don't be shy, dear girls I'll tell you why
My pins and rings, and all my debts I'll sell for ready cash
So girls buck up and save a titled Johnny going smash.

Chorus:

 
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Written and composed by H. B. Norris - 1897
Performed by Vesta Tilley (1864-1952)
 
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